woulda-coulda-shoulda's

I have a new hospice patient, and she is teaching me more than she'll ever know. She's this little, frail, happy always, even chatty on a good day lady. She's unlike most of my patients though, who are usually lucid enough to converse with me. She has severe dementia instead, which keeps her confused and frozen in childhood. She is filled with so much joy though. With some help, I finally decided on how to spend time with her: I've begun reading her children's poetry. I don't know about you, but I grew up on Shel Silverstein...and oh to be a child again:

Almost every visit holds a new lesson for me. I love this about hospice work. I don't feel like I'm giving because I get so much out of it myself. Oddly enough, my lesson today came from reading a children's collection of poems.

 

I have listened to so many life stories over the years. Beautiful stories. Heartwrenching stories. What has made a lasting impression is the emotion and struggle behind regrets my patients voice to me. Let me tell you, regret is a powerful, powerful thing. And thus, as cliche as it is, life should not be wasted.

So why is it that we don't take chances?
Miss out on opportunities?
Set ourselves up for regret?

I'm also reading a book called Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson, and this is what she has to say: "I realize fear isn't only affecting me, but humanity as well. As I look around today, I see him hooking into many people I encounter. Their hearts are fighting for their dreams, yet fear claws away at their spirits, telling them their dreams are impossible. These people want to have a family, go back to school, quit their jobs and move to Africa, ask that girl out, volunteer at a shelter, stand up for justice, pose a question, right a wrong, or say hi to their neighbor, but fear soaks into their bloodstream like a paralyzing virus and prevents them from taking a step in the beautiful, wonderful, difficult life in front of them. Fear wants to stop our stories. And with the pain and brokenness and hurt in this world, we simply can't let it. The human race needs a hope and faith and light now more than ever."

I realize there comes a point where we need to grow up: when we need to start choosing responsiblity over adventure, when we need to start planning for now and planning for later. But, I don't want fear keeping me from doing big things with my life either. "Have you noticed how we're often impressed by people who appear to be fearless? The ones who fly to the moon. Chase tornadoes. Enter dangerous war zones. Skydive. Speak in front of thousands of people. Stand up to cancer. Raise money and adopt a child who isn't their flesh and blood. Why are we so impressed by them? Because we are them." Deep down, we all have the desire and the ability to do big things with our lives. Why settle for a mundane life? Or why play it safe? There's a difference between child-ish and child-like. We all have childlike dreams, childlike faith, childlike courage. Find it.

Just food for thought.
Life is too fleeting for woulda-coulda-shoulda's.

Love, Janae

"Why don't we dance anymore? I'm not okay with that. Why don't we laugh anymore? I'm not okay with that. Cause the years go by like stones under rushing water. We only know, we only know when it's gone." - Needtobreathe