a temporary goodbye

Children outside the clinic playing drums and

dancing.

My time in Haiti is coming to an end.

After being here almost five weeks, Seguin has become home. Leaving this place is going to break my heart. I let myself get far too attached.

I spent my last morning in Seguin trying to memorize the view from the Clinic roof and thinking about what it is I'm to miss. I'm going to miss living simply, though I will really enjoy showers and doing laundry when I get home. I'm going to miss the quiet. I'm going to miss serving these people.

I am excited to see where life takes me. At the beginning of my trip I told Kyle a major goal of mine was to figure out my life! Just something small to add to the to-do list, eh? As I spent more and more time thinking and praying, I realized that it's not for me to worry about figuring out. As long as I don't slam shut doors God opens for me, He has it figured out and will lead me in an incredible life. My plans usualllly don't work anyways. so what's the point in trying to plan out every detail? This has become my new favorite reminder: "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed...In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:3, 9) It turns out, the moment I let go of the worry and need to figure out where I am going in life, I got my answer.

There was a reason for my time here. Well, a lot of reasons. In so many ways, the timing of this trip has been perfect, even uncanny. The people that I've met, the relationships I've made, the ways in which I've grown, what I've learned... there was a point in all of this. 

To go on this trip required me to drop a lot of big plans I had back home: the plan to take Paramedic training, my job at the pharmacy, the stress of applying to graduate schools. I enjoyed serving in small ways, through EMS and hospice work, but for the most part my life was being lived for myself. I wanted to break free from that because it didn't sit well with me. So, I came to Haiti to serve. I found this quote that resonate so deeply with what I feel now:  

"The most important moments rarely come at a convenient time. Sometimes you wish that God would check your caledar first. The ironic part is that our schedules get packed with the mundane and ordinary, and we become irritated with God when he tries to interrupt us with the miraculous and extraordinary. The Scriptures are full of stories about people who were rudely interrupted by God. We read them and long to have the same kind of adventure. Yet when God interrupts us, are we willing to respond in a moment's notice?" (McManus)

I am promising myself that I will leave behind the mundane and ordinary and let God continue to interrupt my life with the extraordinary. I promise to welcome such interruptions. Seeing as how I haven't left yet, and I'm already planning trips back, it's safe to say I'm going to crave these interruptions. I'm just temporarily saying goodbye.

Love, Janae

ups & downs

"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."

Last weekend, we ran out of water. Our only option was to do a rain dance. Okay, kidding. We paid Haitian women to carry water on their heads up to the clinic.

Five women.
Five 5 gallon buckets at a time.
15 trips.

They would bring me the buckets of water, lift them onto the roof of the clinic, and then I would carry them to the cistern and dump the water in. I ended up having very sore arms and a sore back, but it’s silly to complain isn’t it? The women had far more work than I did. What I learned: water is that much more valuable when you spend half a day working for it. I cringe every time I see someone from a team here showered, or when the cook washes dishes like there’s an endless supply. Oh well.

I ended a fairly chaotic week with a wonderful getaway. I had yet to leave the mountain, so getting away from Seguin was a nice change of pace. Two friends from Humanity First (Brianne and Tim) and I headed down the mountain in the Clinic's truck. We had a Haitian woman and her child with us who needed an x-ray done in Jacmel. We did this while Kyle and Clayton ran 16 miles down the mountain I might add. Don't worry, I tell them they're crazy every day.

It takes about 3 hours to get down to Jacmel from Seguin. A bumpy car ride is such an understatement, but I can't recreate that with words. You'd have to come and experience it!A view of Jacmel:

Tim, a friend from Humanity First, generously offered to cover the cost of a hotel for a night. After a fantastic dinner and great conversation, we proceeded to jump in the pool clothing and all. Why not, right? It was declared that the night was like Christmas Eve, a night none of us wanted to end. In the morning, Kyle left to head back up the mountain. Clayton, Brianne, Tim and I spent the morning drinking too many cups of coffee, reading, napping, and hanging out at the beach. We figured we'd make our way to Port-au-Prince eventually. No rush.

This brings me to the end of my happy vacation. For lunch, we had delicious street food in Jacmel. Result: food poisoning. The 3 hour drive to Port-au-Prince was fairly uncomfortable, but for the most part I was in denial that I was getting sick. By the end of the night, it was all over. I will forever be afraid of Jacmel street food, and I will always remember my two days in Port-au-Prince as my two most miserable days in Haiti.

When I got sick the second week I was in Haiti, I remember being overwhelmingly homesick. I wanted to be home. This time, I was overwhelmingly homesick again, but for Seguin. I remember laying there, wishing I were back at the clinic in Seguin. It made me realize how much I've fallen in love with Seguin...how it's become home for me...how difficult it's going to be to leave...

Port-au-Prince:

The destruction from the earthquake…the cholera…the political unrest… Haiti appears an absolute mess if that’s the way you choose to look at it. In some ways, it absolutely is. In other ways, it isn’t. It’s in the middle of the mess that we end, and God begins.

My time here is still incredible. It’s definitely interesting being a longterm volunteer. I see teams come and go. I see how much work goes into the preparation and then recovery from having a team of people here. It definitely confirms my decision to stay for a longer period of time. I was able to adjust, and now I just sort of know how to help out and stay busy.My time is coming to a close, and it breaks my heart. I've decided to live life in denial because it's not fun thinking about leaving. If I think about it too much, I am going to find myself online changing my flight.

Loving it here, but missing you all.

Love, Janae