woulda-coulda-shoulda's

I have a new hospice patient, and she is teaching me more than she'll ever know. She's this little, frail, happy always, even chatty on a good day lady. She's unlike most of my patients though, who are usually lucid enough to converse with me. She has severe dementia instead, which keeps her confused and frozen in childhood. She is filled with so much joy though. With some help, I finally decided on how to spend time with her: I've begun reading her children's poetry. I don't know about you, but I grew up on Shel Silverstein...and oh to be a child again:

Almost every visit holds a new lesson for me. I love this about hospice work. I don't feel like I'm giving because I get so much out of it myself. Oddly enough, my lesson today came from reading a children's collection of poems.

 

I have listened to so many life stories over the years. Beautiful stories. Heartwrenching stories. What has made a lasting impression is the emotion and struggle behind regrets my patients voice to me. Let me tell you, regret is a powerful, powerful thing. And thus, as cliche as it is, life should not be wasted.

So why is it that we don't take chances?
Miss out on opportunities?
Set ourselves up for regret?

I'm also reading a book called Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson, and this is what she has to say: "I realize fear isn't only affecting me, but humanity as well. As I look around today, I see him hooking into many people I encounter. Their hearts are fighting for their dreams, yet fear claws away at their spirits, telling them their dreams are impossible. These people want to have a family, go back to school, quit their jobs and move to Africa, ask that girl out, volunteer at a shelter, stand up for justice, pose a question, right a wrong, or say hi to their neighbor, but fear soaks into their bloodstream like a paralyzing virus and prevents them from taking a step in the beautiful, wonderful, difficult life in front of them. Fear wants to stop our stories. And with the pain and brokenness and hurt in this world, we simply can't let it. The human race needs a hope and faith and light now more than ever."

I realize there comes a point where we need to grow up: when we need to start choosing responsiblity over adventure, when we need to start planning for now and planning for later. But, I don't want fear keeping me from doing big things with my life either. "Have you noticed how we're often impressed by people who appear to be fearless? The ones who fly to the moon. Chase tornadoes. Enter dangerous war zones. Skydive. Speak in front of thousands of people. Stand up to cancer. Raise money and adopt a child who isn't their flesh and blood. Why are we so impressed by them? Because we are them." Deep down, we all have the desire and the ability to do big things with our lives. Why settle for a mundane life? Or why play it safe? There's a difference between child-ish and child-like. We all have childlike dreams, childlike faith, childlike courage. Find it.

Just food for thought.
Life is too fleeting for woulda-coulda-shoulda's.

Love, Janae

"Why don't we dance anymore? I'm not okay with that. Why don't we laugh anymore? I'm not okay with that. Cause the years go by like stones under rushing water. We only know, we only know when it's gone." - Needtobreathe

here's to counting blessings

Rough week. 

We've all had plenty of those. If I lacked perspective, I'd be pretty tempted to unravel my messes. But, at the end of the day...when all is said and done...I am so very blessed and life is wonderful. We all have unspoken struggles. We all have scars from our past that just won't seem to fade. But I think you can always find something beautiful in brokenness. It is in brokenness that we reach out and realize we need something bigger than ourselves.

"Sooner or later you figure out life is constructed specifically and brilliantly to squeeze a man into association with the Owner of Heaven. It is a struggle, with labor pains and thorny landscape, bloody hands and a sweaty brow, head in hands, moments of severe loneliness and questions, moments of ache and desire. All this leads to God, I think...Life is a dance towards God, I begin to think. And the dance is not so graceful as we might want. While we glide and swing our practiced sway, God crowds our feet, bumps out toes, and scuffs our shoes. So we learn to dance with the One who made us. And it is a difficult dance to learn, because its steps are foreign." - Donald Miller
  
Here's the thing: life is filled with
     challenges
          disappointments
                heartache
                       difficult lessons
                                difficult people

And not one of us is perfect. Life is messy. The beautiful thing about it is that we aren't expected to pretend otherwise. That would be silly. What we are expected to do though, it to keep moving.

Keep pushing forward.             
Find the good through the bad.
Cling to what is wonderful and let go of what isn't.

Here's to counting blessings and finding things that make me smile:






"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." -Emerson

Love, Janae